Friends with your Friend’s Ex

Strange things happen when the majority of the people you know run in the same circle. You soon are able to draw venn diagrams of relationships within the circles. Who’s best friends with who. Who’s currently on the outs. Who’s hooking up. Who broke up.

When two people break up, societal norms calls for people to take sides. And generally it’s obvious who you’ll choose. And generally everyone’s okay with that.

So what’s the problem? It’s when you’re also friends with the other person in question. And each variance calls for a different course of action which is blurry at best.

Obvious course of action:

  1. Poor break up. Obvious which side you choose.
  2. Amicable break up but one party asks you to choose a side. So you do and you stick with it.

But what if they don’t ask you to choose? Can you have both? What if you choose, how long do you maintain it for? Long is long enough?

Matters of the heart cannot be taken lightly. Sure someone might say they’re okay with it because it’s the mature thing to do, but emotions aren’t rational and sometimes they cannot help the adverse response they have when one of their close mates are in contact with their ex. I fully understand that.

It becomes even messier when they both have a bitter past and you weren’t friends initially, in fact you made it a point to avoid them, but now that’s you’ve inadvertently gotten to know them better, you are constantly shocked at how lovely a person they are.


And now I finally understand why the answers I found on Google were so ambiguous. When I first read them, I scoffed and thought I had a clear cut answer. But matters of the heart are always messy and convoluted. In fact it forces you to re-evaluate your relationships and prioritise some over others.

Everyone’s right, you’ve got to pick. At least at first.

The choice is easy. Carrying it through, indefinitely harder.


[Disclaimer: I need to think this through more. The above are just the ramblings of someone having an anxiety attack. haha. not really]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s